Non, je ne regrette rien
by IckieZiegler
Summary: Something terrible happens to Lulu that causes consequences for all her loved ones.
1. Prelude

**Prelude:**

The men that stand next to the doors and hold the guns were trained to instinctively react in order to protect their provider, and that protection without second notice was also supposed to extend to the love ones. These men who had bullets fly at them on a regular basis, a constant awareness of present danger, who were meant to be on alert at all times didn't move when they first saw her.

The dark wet fluid still stained flesh on her thighs and dripped down her leg. The same blood that was wisped across her stomach, her arms, her back, and left little small spots on her cheek, but the blood hardly upstaged the bruises. Only small patches of porcelain beige skin shown between the black, blue, and mostly purple.

She didn't notice the gawking men when she silently strode past them. Her eyes were firmly fixed on her feet as she made her way to the door, and it wasn't until she lifted her trembling hand for the doorknob that she looked up. Her body had unconsciously guided her there as if there was magnetism to safety. She let herself in the door without bothering to shut it behind her.

"Lulu…" He was sitting at his desk knee deep in papers he couldn't begin to understand, which why he had fired people to do most of it for him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he caught sight of her in his peripheral vision. He quickly jumped from his chair and resisted the impulse to reach out to her shaking body.

As her eyes met his tears ran down her cheeks and made a clear path that broke through the thick course blood down her neck and chest. Her arms clung together in front of her as they tried to grasp on to the few scraps of clothing she still had. "…Sonny…" She whimpered.

**Author's Note:**

I know Schadenfreude hasn't been updated in forever, and that's mainly due to the fact that I have the unfortunate task of being a Carly fan. She's kind of giving me a funk lately, along with all the justified hate, and yet she's still my favorite character. So this whole her vs. Lulu and Dante thing put a damper on my happy fluffy pregnancy story. I have every intention of finishing and that story and this one. This story is the first story I had come up with and told people about. It's the darker one I talked about in the chat rooms.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

"She won't go to the hospital," he gave a harsh whisper into the receiver. "I can't force her, but she's definitely hurt. There was blood everywhere and her clothes were ripped to shreds. " There was a long pause as the person exasperated important information at the other end of the line. "About that… I tried to talk her out of it, but she's in the shower now."

Sonny hung up with the phone fighting the temptation to make a long series of endless but inevitably necessary phone calls. Lulu had made the rules pretty clear. No cops, no family, and under absolutely no circumstances was he to call Dante. The one phone call he made was going to be betrayal enough of this newly embedded trust born from crisis.

She immerged to the top of the staircase fully incased in sweats and her hair dripping water rather than blood. The cleanliness of her flesh highlighted every bruise and scar. There was a large slash mark starting at the top of her left jaw down her neck and ended between her cleavage that wasn't visible until the blood had be washed away. Sonny couldn't take his eyes off it as she descended the stairs with her arms clung together in front of her.

"I called Elizabeth," he blurted. Her eyes instantly popped to his and her mouth tightened. "She's a nurse, and she's been….too…"

"I don't want to see anybody. I just needed to shower and a place to stay tonight. If that's too much of a problem I can go somewhere else. There's a motel a couple blocks away…" She spoke at rapid tempo, firm in her words, but her voice still shook.

"No. Don't do that. Just let her take a look and maybe she can help with that cut."

It wasn't that he had presented a particularly convincing argument but the sheer exhaustion that prompted her to just go upstairs and wait. Not half an hour later her former sister-in-law showed up with a large bag and a wary look.

"I wish you wouldn't have showered. There could have been some DNA evidence," she announced mid-examination after several minutes of silence. "You know…That's exactly what your Aunt Bobbie said to me after I was raped. She tried to get me to talk about it, to talk to my Gram, to talk to the cops, but I wouldn't have any of it. I just wanted everything to go away. That's probably how you're feeling right now too." She paused to get a reaction, but Lulu's eyes hadn't left the door since she closed it behind her to give them privacy. "I know how badly you probably just want it all to stop, and all you can feel is it happening over and over again. Hiding away here at Sonny's and avoiding your family isn't going to help that. In the end Bobbie was right about everything. I couldn't even admit I had been raped at the time. Your family got me through that. Bobbie, and especially Lucky. He would understand Lulu." She became more persistent and hardly noticed when Lulu had stopped looking at the door and started to stare at her with completely contempt.

"Go away, Elizabeth," she stated coldly. "Just leave."

Elizabeth packed up the bag and quickly made her exit to find Sonny standing next to the door. "What were you thinking?" He demanded in the same tone that he had used on the phone. "She's just been hurt and here you are pressuring her…"

"I just didn't want her to make the same mistakes I did. To go through what I did. She…"

"That's not why you're here. You're here to make sure she's okay physically. I thought you'd be more sensitive."

"She needs…"

"She'll decide what she needs. This was obviously a mistake. You should leave." He waited to hear her footsteps head down the stairs and out the door. "She's gone," he announced.

**Author's Note:** Thanks for responding. I didn't think people would be interested in this story.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

From the looks of things it was almost as if time stood still. Everything was exactly in its place at the Haunted Star including the owner in his usual spot behind the bar drinking his breakfast. "Welcome, Friend," the man gave a cheery disposition, which just made the pit in Sonny's stomach grow deeper. "Pull up, and have a drink."

"Yeah, why don't you poor yourself a fresh one," the grave tone in his voice instantly changed his friends demeanor. He kept his eyes as Sonny while he poured them both a fresh scotch, and then brought the glass to his lips as if they were moving in slow motion. Sonny's eyes never lifted from the glass he was spinning around in his hands before he finally picked up and knocked it back in one large swallow.

"Just put me out of my misery, Corinthos." His voice was drastically different than before almost as if it had come from a different man entirely. "Are you having troubles with my son again?"

"I have nothing but respect for Ethan, and the way he looks out for Kristina. I deeply regret what I almost did."

"If it's not Ethan then is my Lesley Lu still causing you grief?" He asked, and that's when Sonny's eyes instantly met his. "So, it is my daughter. I've tried to talk to her about going easier on you, but you know how she is. Lulu's incredibly stubborn and it's just a phase. She'll be back at your house for French toast in…a year or two…or ten. Probably drag that son of yours along with her."

"She's at my house right now," he admitted going back to staring at his empty glass. "She came over this afternoon. She was hurt."

"Hurt? What do you mean hurt? Is she in the hospital?"

"She wouldn't go to the hospital so I called Elizabeth. She's a nurse and I thought maybe she could help Lulu…"

"Help, Lulu?"

"Understand, because…"

"Sonny, are you trying to tell me that my daughter was raped?"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you."

"There was definite vaginal tearing… Lots of defensive wounds… And I'm pretty sure whoever attacked her had a knife. She had a few clean cuts, but nothing too deep."

"Are you sure it's rape, though? It couldn't have been that she and Dante had sex and then someone just mugged her or something? Beat her up?" He stood up and paced back and forth between the couch and the coffee table.

"I'm sure. It would have to be extremely rough sex for Dante to cause that much damage. She's completely withdrawn and her entire body shakes even without touching her. Lulu's been beat up and attacked before, Lucky. This is definitely more. "

"Thank you, Elizabeth, for telling me. I want to see she's okay for myself, so if you don't mind…"

"Absolutely not! You will not go over there!" She abruptly interrupted. "You can not go ambush her right now. She needs to feel safe and if she felt safe coming to you then she would have."

"You can't honestly think that she would feel safe with Sonny and not with me. She hates Sonny. She's wanted nothing to do with him since he shot Dante." Tried to push passed her, but she used her entire pregnant form to block him from the door. "She's my sister, Elizabeth!"

"I know she is and I know you want to be there for her, but there is nothing you can do for her. You need to let her feel safe again and do what feels right for her in her own time."

"But I can help her. I helped you."

"That was different and you know it. I was falling in love with you and you rescued me. I never would have let Steve take care of me the way you did. Lulu probably won't let you or Nikolas or Ethan be there either. Just give her time."

"Carly, I need to talk to you. Now!" Sonny had been on fire since he left the Haunted Star. It had broken his heart to tell his best friend something so awful, and then to watch it play out on Luke's face as the realizations had hit him.

"What do you want, Sonny?"

"I know you've been cooking up plans and schemes to go after Lulu and Dante. Don't bother denying it. And I'm telling you it ends now. You steer clear of Lulu and whatever petty hatred you've cooked up for her. Try to remember that she's your family. And at some point in time you loved her and cared about her, because she needs it more than ever."

"You're here to defend, Lulu? The woman who stood back and let her boyfriend put our son in prison?" She asked indignantly.

"Look, I understand that you felt hurt and betrayed. I did too. But…"

"What do you mean she needs it more now than every? What happened to Lulu?" She interrupted. The words had finally sunk in as if she had just heard them. Her features changed from sheer annoyance to concern without even skipping a beat.

"She was raped."

"What!" The shock set in and she unconsciously started to sit down. "When!"

"I don't know when, but I do know that it happened. She showed up at my house completely torn up. She's there now. And she doesn't need whatever twisted revenge plan you've cooked up."

"I never expected Lulu to get hurt."

"What are you talking about Carly? You wanted revenge! You wanted her to hurt for Michael!"

"Emotionally. I wanted poetic justice. I wanted Lulu to lose what she easily betrayed her family for. I didn't want her physically hurt, and I certainly didn't want her raped!" She nearly yelled and then pulled back her voice to a whisper on the last word.

"You haven't been sending anyone after her? Someone to follow her or seduce her?"

"No! Absolutely not!" She yelled again, before clearing her throat and looked him evenly in the face. "I offered to Brook Lynn money to sleep with Dante and break them up. To have him betray her like she betrayed me and Michael."

"How has that been working out for you?"

"Not very well. Your son doesn't share your desire to sleep with all the women in his life."

"Then give up."

"I will. Is she okay? I mean, I know she's probably not okay…but how hurt is she? Did she go to the hospital?"

"No. Elizabeth came over and cleaned up some of her wounds. Other than that she's just broken, and that's without you compounding…"

"I'm ending it, Sonny."

"Good," he murmured as he walked.

Her eyes followed him until he was completely out of sight as her hand gripped her phone and started dialing. "Hey. It's me. Things have changed. I'll give you $20,000 for you to walk away now." Words were muttered on the other side of the line. "$30,000 and you keep your mouth shut and mind your own business. This all ends now."

**Author's Note:** Thanks for continuing to read, and please keep reviewing.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

The empty bottles were lined on the bar next to him. He had been systematically rearranging them every time a new one was added, which had been basically every few hours. He was headed for the record of longest consecutive drinking without dying from alcoholism. "Of course, this would be where I could find my completely useless ex-husband," he heard from the corner. The voice echoed of the walls and drifted past him.

"Yeah…," he hardly opened his mouth.

"Luke, what the hell are you doing here at drinking at 7:30am?" She yelled and he didn't even flinch, but rather took his next swallow.

"Dad?" A different voice had come and caught his attention. It could have been the word rather than the person it was coming from, but nevertheless it warranted a reaction. "What's going on?"

"Well…Ethan…" His words were slurred and nearly incoherent.

"I have never seen him this drunk," Ethan told Tracy as if his father wasn't right before him tripping over himself even though he was already sitting. "Did something happen?"

"Yes… Your sister…"

"Something happened to Lulu?" Tracy interrupted and her posture changed to the upright position in full attention.

"Some bastard raped my daughter," Luke told the bottles and not his family.

"Lulu was raped!" Tracey yelled. "Where is she? Is she in the hospital? Has she talked to the police?" After waiting impatiently for no response she watched as her former step-son slab the newly filled glass right out of his father's hand.  
"You're saying some monster hurt my sister and you're just sitting here getting pissed?" Each word hit a new pitch and his face had started to turn red. "What kind of father are you! Do you even know where she is?"

"She's at Sonny's," he murmured, which was immediately followed by a small course of scoffs and the pounding stomps of his son's boots on the floor boards as his younger son stormed out.

"This is a new low for you, Luke," she spoke up after Ethan could no longer be heard. "You don't usually stand by and watch as your daughter gets hurt."

"She's already been hurt."

"And you're not going to do anything? Just sit here and drown your sorrows in a barrel of scotch? Are you even going to try to see her? Make sure she's okay?"

"She's not okay. She's not going to be okay, and she certainly doesn't want to see me."

"And what makes you so sure about that?"

"What just happened to her… what he did to her… everything she just went through… she knows I did the same thing to her mother. I hurt her mother in the exact same way, and now she's felt it. She's felt the hell I did to Laura. My daughter shouldn't be anywhere near me."

"Then don't see Lulu and don't try to comfort her and take care of her, but don't sit on your ass in his bar feeling sorry for yourself either. It's not about you. There's some guy out there that took your little girl and did the worst thing possible to her. Don't leave that unchecked."

"Lulu!" she bellowed as she entered the house. "Lulu!"

"What do you want, Carly?" She jumped and turned around to see her former target sitting in a ball on the couch. Lulu had her legs pulled up completely against her chest with her arms wrapped around them. From the small pieces of the girl not covered by clothing she could see bruise upon bruise, and the bandage that nearly covered her entire neck. The bile started to rise to the back of her throat.

"How are you?" she asked cautiously.

"Why does that matter?" She sounded as if the emotion had been sucked directly out of her soul. No anger, no hurt, nothing that could be mistaken for happiness, but pure unadulterated nonexistence.

"What do you mean? Of course it matters!"

"Really? Hate me so much you had to come here and make sure I was really hurt? Come to laugh a little?"

"I love you, Lulu. I would never want to see you hurt like this."

"You love me? But I thought you hated me. I mean….that's what you offered Brook Lynn $50,000 to take pictures of her seducing Dante." Her distant disposition hadn't change and that cautioned Carly. She slowly sunk down in the chair she had been standing next to, licked her lips and smoothed her skirt in front of her with her hands. She looked directly at Lulu for a sold moment and held back her own tears.

"I made a mistake, and I was so hurt that I put it all on you and Dante. But I did call Brook and I called the whole thing off. I even paid her to just drop the whole thing, especially any involvement with Dante."

"I know. Sonny told me. He didn't expect me to over hear him yelling at Brook for getting involved in something so petty and stupid. He said that she told him you called her. That she felt that your plan was ridiculous but she needed the money. She must have been desperate if she was willing to whore herself out."

"It was stupid, and I was stupid. I should have just been happy that Dante worked to correct it all and got Michael out of jail. I was angry and hurt and I wanted everyone else to feel the same."

"Including me? Especially me?"

"Including you. Especially Dante."

"I would give anything to take it back, Lulu. I would give anything to not waste that time. I want to make it up to you."

"I'm not sure it works that way. I don't know how to feel, and to be perfectly honest I just don't want to deal with it," she delicately picked herself up off the couch and headed to the stairs without looking back at her cousin. "You can leave the way you came."

His feet hurt from the kicks he laid on various inanimate objects along his walk from his work and home to the docks. No amount of artificial pain was going to take away the burn that went from the bottom of his belly directly to his eyes. It had been forever since the last time he had cried, he almost couldn't remember, and yet the thought of his sister in any kind of pain made him raw. His foot met the bench three times before he finally landed a punch out of pure rage. The cold crass wood of the bench fought back and busted open the skin surrounding his knuckles. "Son of a…" he yelled at the bench and shook his hand so it could be soothed by the chilled air.

"You okay, man?" His friend casually walked up to him sipping his coffee.

"No." His accent was thick and his head hung in his hands as he plopped himself down on the bench he was previously abusing.

"What's going on?" Johnny asked while he sat and leaded back into the corner of the bench.

"Somebody attacked my sister," he crackled. Johnny sat up sharply and nearly chocked on his coffee. "They…ah, they raped her. And now she's held up at Sonny's, and Luke is just drinking as if it's going to do any good."

"Has anyone seen her?"

"No. She won't see anyone. Anyone, but Sonny. That I seriously don't understand."

"When Lulu and I were together it wasn't a big deal for her to run to Sonny. She loved him like family, and did most of her life. He fooled her like he fooled everyone else for a long time."

"Yeah, but she hates him now. He nearly killed her boyfriend. I saw the way she went after Elizabeth for just hurting her brothers, but Sonny actually endangered people she loved."

"She probably feels safer there. Like, when Lulu was in danger….Sonny would take care of her. He'd make her stay at his house or go away with Jason. It was just her normal life before she met Dante."

"You make it sound so rational."

"I've just… I've seen Lulu after she's been in a crisis. I've scene her and loved her after terrible things happened in her life. Her instincts are to run and hide."

"Just like Luke's."

**Sneak Peak:** Lulu confides in Jason, and where Dante has been.

**Author's Note:** I love the reviews and especially these theories. I've had a good giggle at some while others completely confuse me. I can't say if anyone has gotten it right yet, but please keep them coming.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

They were two different doors, but that was generally the only difference. It gave him chills as he opened the door after knocking once, not entirely invited, and to witness the same sight he had many years ago. It was the same girl and she lay in the same position on her side. She was broken just like before, but the true fundamental change was the scars. He hadn't seen that many bruises on her a person in quite some time, and that was just apart of his job description.

She opened her eyes and watched as he cautiously got closer to her. He didn't dare sit on the bed or reach out to touch her. "You're back?" she asked meekly. There was dryness in the back of her throat and her voice was severely out of practice.

"Yeah, we just got back less than an hour ago." There were no chairs in the room so he managed to sit on the floor between the bed and the dresser he leaned his back up against. She made no motion to move or showed any reflection in her face. "Dante is back too. He was really anxious to see you. He was worried you'd be angry that he hasn't tried to call more." He cleared his throat. "We lost Franco. Nearly had him but then the freak disappeared." She still made no movement. "He's okay." Nothing. "Sonny says you haven't left the room in a few days. You came here after having a fight with Carly, and I'm sorry about that. I knew Carly was up to something, but I had no idea how…" He gave a heavy sign. "….her plan was. She won't be coming to bother you again. Not unless you want her to, so you can go downstairs. You basically have full run of the house as long as you're here." She sat up and her legs instantly folded under her. "What are you doing here, Lulu?"

"I feel safe her," she spoke calmly in a flat narrative. "Sonny won't let anyone near me."

"You'd be safe at Lucky's apartment or the Quartermaines.'"

"Lucky, the Quartermaines', Ethan, Dante…everybody… they'd want to comfort me. They'd want to hold me and tell me everything is okay." She pulled on her shelves trying to pull them completely over her hands, and repeated the act every time the fabric rebounded as she said, "Everything is not okay, and the thought of someone touching me makes me want to light my skin on fire." Jason nodded along, soaking in her words. "They'll have expectations. Sonny doesn't have expectations."

"He's still shocked you're here."

"Does it bother him? Am I…"

"No. Not for a second. He's glad you're here. Not…glad…but…"

"I understand."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No."

"You have reached the voice mail box of…" spoke the automated message system. "…Lulu Spencer…" Her voice was music after having been deprived of it for so long. He'd spend the entire night calling her voicemail if he had to just to hear her voice again if that was the best he could get.

"Hey, baby. It's me…again. I know it's getting a little late….and I've called five times already, but I haven't seen you in over a week. I miss you. I went to your apartment, but no one was there. I'd make the rounds but I don't want to wake up your family. I just hope that you're not mad at me. I know I should have called more while I was in L.A. Just call me whenever you want. I don't care if it's 3 am. I love you…" and right before he had a chance to say 'goodbye' there was another beep cutting him off.

He shut his phone and walked over to the cold bench that sat in front of the water. The air was crisp and unforgiving. It hit his face with a painful numbing effect, and he bundled himself tighter as he watched the wind create samples of waves across the water. "Dante…" he heard from behind him. He turned slightly to his left to meet the eyes of his mother and his girlfriend's mutual ex.

"What do you want, Johnny?"

"It's good your back," he said as he came up and sat down next to Dante uninvited.

"How's that?"

"Some stuff happened while you were away…" He started. He went into every detail he knew about Lulu being raped, trapping herself at Sonny's, and never leaving his house. How she doesn't want to see anybody, and anything else he could think of which wasn't much. Without Lulu setting the record straight herself they only knew what Sonny had told Luke, and the game of 'telephone' had taken off from there. Dante's eyes only took a second into Johnny's tale to fill with horror. His blood was brought to a boil before instantly slamming it on to ice water. His placed his head in his hands, looped his fingers into his hair, and began pulling.

"And no one has gone to see her?" He yelled.

"They can't. She told Sonny she didn't want to see anyone, and he's keeping to his orders."

"I shouldn't have left. I should have just stayed with her or taken her with me," he shook his head repeatedly and the burn behind his eyes started to precipitate.

"You had to go find Franco. The freak tied her down to a bomb."

"We didn't even get Franco. If had been here I could have been with her and I could have killed the bastard who…"

"Yeah, I wish I would have been there too."

"Are you going back to prison?"

"Yes. I can't risk Michael going back to Pentenville just because I want to run away. Plus, Dante's not that bad. He figures my cooperation with trying to find Franco could do me a few favors… I don't know. The plan is to turn myself in tomorrow."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault. We all made our own choices. This was mine."

"I feel safer without you out of prison. Right now it's easier to talk to you."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he cautioned. Unlike everyone else she never felt like he was treating her with kid gloves. His worried expression was no different than his usual disposition, and rather than feeling unnerved she felt empowered. She could tell him without experiencing his reaction, because at the most he wouldn't have one and the least he would hide it.

"It wasn't about me." A single tear escaped her eye and she wiped it away before it could make its path down her cheek.

"What do you mean?"

"Hurting me was about hurting everyone else. I'm supposed to tell everyone. They're all supposed to find out and be affected."

"How do you know that?"

"He told me."

"Did you know who he was?"

"Yes." She leaked out a series of tears this time not so much as lifting a finger to erase them.

"So what do you want to do?"

"I want to stay here until I feel like me again and until I can find a good lie for where I've been."

"Or you could tell."

"No. I don't want to tell. I don't want to let him win." Her eyes met his dead on for the first time. "I feel like I've been used enough."

**Sneak Peak:** Dante tries to see Lulu.

**Author's Notes:** I know it's been awhile but I hope you guys came back and liked it. Please review.

I feel the need to explain myself a little bit. In reference to Jason and Lulu talking...I spent the day watching scenes from when Jason and Lulu used to talk...and that's what I based their tone and conversation on. Particularly after her abortion and while she was in Shadybrook.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

His head hung and his back slouched. He had to summon energy to just knock on the door, and even more than that to meet with the exuberant face on the other side of the door. "My Baby!" his mother exasperated in relief. "You're okay? I know Franco escaping has to be pretty hard, but at least they're letting Jason stay out a little while longer. He'll show up. You didn't get hurt or…."

"Lulu was raped."

"What?" Her smile was erased and her eyes replaced her cheer with terror. "When?"

"A few days ago. I'm surprised Johnny didn't tell you."

"No. I had no idea. Come sit down." She ushered him through the door and on to her familiar couch. He launched into the tale that Johnny and spun for him as well as the updated events of the morning. How he had tried to go see Lulu, but was quickly warned and turned away by Max, Milo, and about twelve other new guards he didn't recognize. He would have taken them all on had they not only outnumbered him in men but also in guns.

"I don't know what to do. I want to be there for her and help her, but everyone keeps telling me that she wants to be alone. I mean….that has to be why she's at Sonny's! I don't know if I fight my way to her or if I trust that the few people she's talked to are the one's she wants around her. Whatever I do I don't want to make anything worse for her just because I have this selfish need to one there."

"You've been wonderful to Lulu. You take care of her; you save her even if it means risking your own life, and no one can honestly doubt that you love her. You're not being selfish. But, Dante, this isn't something she can be rescued from. It's already happened. " Her heart broke at the defeated face her son wore. "Sometimes some things are more important than being the hero. It's more important right now to be the man Lulu needs you to be, and if that means giving her space then you give her space."

"But, Ma."

"Don't you 'but, Ma' me when you know I'm right. She doesn't need a hero right now."

"I just don't want her to think that I don't want to be there."

"You can let her know that you want to be there without actually being there."

"How?"

"Send her a letter? Leave her a voicemail? Anything. You're smart, you'll find a way."

Lulu waited for the footsteps to dissipate before she opened the door to see a crystal vase sitting on the floor with a small envelope propped up against it. She picked up the vase and examined the dozen fully bloomed lavender roses that could have only been from one person. She quickly pulled them into her room and double checked that the door was locked behind her. Only one person her entirely life bothered to know what her favorite flowers were and the room became instantly brighter just having them on the nightstand next to the bed. She laid down on her side facing them as she slowly opened the envelope containing the scrappy handwriting she knew so well.

It read, "Hey, Beautiful. I think I can understand why you would want to be alone at the moment, but if you ever need me or want me around I will be there in a heartbeat. I love you more than anything. I'll wait for you. Love, Dante."

For the last twenty four hours since he and Jason had returned she resisted the impulse to call. She wanted to hear his voice without talking to him, but fingers grew heavy when she tried to dial his number. Her blood curdled to think he might know what happened when all she wanted to do was pretend it didn't. With some time she could be normal, herself, and they could go on with life where they left off.

Now her fingers glided to the necessary number with ease, but she couldn't bring herself to call his cell phone, so instead she dialed his voicemail at work. "You've reached the voicemail of Detective Dante Falconeri. If this is an emergency please hang up and dial 911…"

"H.. Hi, Detective," she said timidly into the phone, her voice out of practice. "Thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful. I love lavender roses. People don't give them enough thought… I can't… I'm not ready to… I'm sorry. I love you, too."


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Sonny throat felt like it had expanded and a burning scrape floated from the middle of her chest till it was falling out her lips. The vile liquid that made her throat raw fell in to the pot just hardly an inch from her face. The gag caused a convulsion of her upper body and she spilled into the planter for the third time. "You've been doing that a lot lately; ever since you started leaving your room." The voice moved behind her and lifted her hair and she went for another round. "I don't think vomit is a healthy diet for bonze trees."

"There's really no way to do this gracefully," she said as she wiped her mouth on her sleeve before guzzling down the bottle of water he handed her. "Thank you. I'm sorry about your plant."

"Bonze trees didn't' seem to fit here anyway." His voice trailed away and he saw her grasp her stomach with her free hand again. "Do you think you're sick or is it the stress?"

"Stress?"

"From avoiding people, from not going home, having all these visitors you turn away. You've been doing it for weeks now."

"Is it bothering you? Do you want me to go?" She wasn't accusatory but innocently worried. She continued, "I know I've been pretty horrible to you before…"

"No, of course not. You're always welcome here, and no matter how much you think you hate me you always will be. I just don't want you to feel like you have to trap yourself in here, and that having that kind of anxiety could make you sick.

"I can call Dante…"

"No." She wouldn't even let him finish the thought.

"Why don't we go for a walk or go to a nice restaurant. I'll be with you the entire time, and I'll make sure you're safe. Just to go get some fresh air."

"I can't." A spark of numbness hit the tips of her fingers. "Every time I think about going outside…" She stared at the floor and tried to hold her breath until finally a deep burst flooded her lungs. "It's too hard. Just thinking about it makes it… I can't breathe thinking about it."

His eyes fixed on hers while he stood momentarily speechless. "I…I know I called Elizabeth here last time without telling you, and I'm sorry I sprung that on you. Why don't I call her to come take a look at you? Figure out why you're getting sick in my plants?"

"Elizabeth…" She started shaking her head the suggestion. "…she will go out of her way to tell Lucky if not for anything than a tiny glimmer of hope that they can have a passing moment to get close… I don't trust her to be discreet."

"What about Robin?" Sonny asked, and she merely scoffed at the suggested. "If I ask Robin to keep quiet I'm sure she will. As a favor to me she'll keep your privacy, also Doctor-Patient Confidentiality and all that…"

"Alright, I'm going to do a physical, urinary analysis…and just a routine pregnancy test to rule it out." The Doctor systematically started pulling out random objects from a large hard suitcase she brought with her. "Sonny says you've been throwing up a lot. Do you have any other symptoms?"

"I get dizzy every once and while, I had a migraine the other day…, and umm…vertigo...," she explained after the thermometer Robin had unceremoniously placed in her mouth was pulled out.

"Vertigo?"

"Yeah. It's only ever happened a couple of times… before my abortion and while I was in Shadybrook."

"How are you sleeping?"

"I sleep all the time. I used to get insomnia, but right now it's everything I can do to keep myself awake. The coffee is good but has been really useless. No matter how much I sleep I still feel like I'm dragging."

"Well you don't have a fever, and all your vitals look fine. Why don't you go to the restroom and fill this up," she said as she handed Lulu a cup with a yellow screwed on top. Lulu picked up the cup and gently closed the door behind her. "Also, Lulu…" Robin yelled out to her. "I'm going to take some blood to get tested for se…" She cut herself off. "Just to test."

"Okay." Lulu handed her the cup back covered in a paper towel, and Robin continued to dip tests into the sample before moving to the bathroom to wash her hands. She came back to the room and set a tunicate around Lulu's arm in order to make a vain more defined. She slowly sank down a needle into the young woman's arm causing her to flinch. "What do you think is wrong with me?"

"Honestly, Lulu, I think you either have appendicitis or you're pregnant." As the words left Robin's mouth she began to search Lulu's eyes for clues of how to proceed, but the only hint she gave was absolute stillness. Robin went to the sink and picked up the pregnancy test. She deeply inhaled before moving to sit at the desk across from Lulu. "The test is positive. It's rare to have a false positive pregnancy test, but just incase I'll have your blood tested. Call you back with the results tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure you're pregnant."

"I need to see Dante," she stated simultaneously with a sharp knock at the door.

"Hi, Sonny," Robin rushed to the door and let them in.

"How's it going?" He cautiously asked.

"Lulu's pregnant and she would like to see Dante."

"No. I don't want to see Dante," Lulu swiftly corrected. "I don't want him to see me. I have to see him."

**Sneak Peak:** Lulu and Dante finally see each other. 


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

His heart was ready to jump out of his chest. After he got the phone call he had started running and hadn't stopped until he had reached the door of the obnoxiously large house. The pounded on the large doors with at the same intensity the heat hammered around his head. He leaned into his knees out of breath. "Dante?" His father answered the door. "You didn't actually have to run here."

"But you said Lulu needed to see me? Is she hurt? Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She just said she needed to see you," Sonny stated, breeding false hope into his son's soul. He ached when he saw a smile spread across Dante's face as if Lulu was magically better and ready to be his again. Instead, he knew she was upstairs dreading the look on his face when he saw her, and completely demolished at her recent news. "Dante…" But without a warning Dante raced up the stairs and gently rapped at the door standing between him and his girlfriend.

"C...come in," and he did. Nothing Sonny could have said to him would have minimized his excitement at seeing Lulu or prepared him for seeing his broken little girl who used to be his headstrong woman, but he could feel his heart break all over again. "You look almost as devastated as I feel." She hugged her arms to the front of her.

"I'm so… I'm glad you let me come over," he tread carefully. "I've missed you."

"I…" She tried to scratch the aching itch in her throat. "I'm pregnant." The words flooded right out of her. She took in a breath and held on to it with an internal vice grip in order to keep the tears back. Small orbs tried to push into the corners of her eyes, but she was unrelenting. "I don't know… if… That you're the father." Ice was slowly being dropped into his veins. Until that moment thinking about what had happened to Lulu never truly sunk in, and now he was forced to stair directly at the aftermath. "I thought you deserved to know." Every part of his body anguished to hold her. He took a step forward and with less than a beat she took a step back.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." On the way over he had considered the idea that maybe she was ready to see him, understood he would never pressure her into doing anything she wasn't ready for, and would finally just let him hold her or make her feel safe again. He felt like a stranger, and consistently being punched in the stomach would have hurt less. "How do you feel?"

"I don't know," she said while shaking her head. "I keep going in circles." She sank down on the bed and looked at him while she confided, "I don't know if I want to do a paternity test. It would be cruel to judge a baby based on who is father is, right? I know that politically that's the way it should be, but it will happen. I don't know that I would have this baby if it was his…"

"Would you want to have it if it were mine?" He wasn't forceful.

"Maybe, but that wouldn't really be fair would it?"

"Can I set down?" She nodded. He sat two feet away from her, which was closer than another man had gotten in over a month. "Then maybe you don't have a paternity test."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Would you want to help raise a baby that you thought could be another man's?"

"Yes," he stated instinctively. "No matter who the father is that baby would still be half you. There's no way I wouldn't be able to love it." He managed a genuine smile.

"I don't even know if I want to have it." Her head hung and her hands folded into her lap. "Abortion isn't… I don't regret it, but that never made it easy to live with. Going through it again… But, not wanting to have a second abortion because it's a second abortion isn't a good enough reason to have a baby either…"

"You really are going in circles." He wiped his palms across his lap until they ended at his knees. "I'll be here for you. If you let me or need me, want me, whatever is good for you. That's all that matters to me. I love you. If you decide to have an abortion I'll be there, and if you decide to have this baby with or without a paternity test I'll spend the rest of my life raising this baby."

"You say that…"

"I don't say things I don't mean, Lulu. You know that."

"You're right." She nodded. "I do know that. Thank you." This time she looked up and made eye contact. She could see the despair manifest itself in him when his eyes trained down to lengthy scar along her neck.

"We should go to the hospital. Don't worry. I'll be with you. We can get information about the paternity test and make sure everything is okay?" She couldn't ignore the hopeful look in his eyes. It had been the same expression he wore when the first burst through the door, and in only a second he had turned from hope to dread. The idea of hurting him even more made something twist in her chest.

Against every impulse in her body she leaked out, "Okay," and started to follow him down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Sonny asked from his seat the desk as they headed to the door.

"We're going to go to the hospital," Dante didn't look at Sonny and missed his worried expression. Sonny's gaze locked on Lulu. Her feet were moving behind Dante, but the rest of her body was starting to shake.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"She's pregnant, of course that's a good idea," his son yelled back as he stepped out the door and slowly Lulu pulled herself behind him.

As the door closed a fire started to burn up from the tips of her toes all the way throughout her body. Something heavy sat on her chest and she started gasping for air. She continues to reach for things her mind but never grasped a thought like they had all floated away. Her hands pulled at her clothes around her chest trying to free it and her body started to hunch over as her knees caved into weakness.

**Sneak Peak:** Dante considers relocation.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

He couldn't remember the last time fear had so exquisitely lay out before him. She had stood next to him slowly starting to crumble, and heaving for small gasps of air. At first he tried to reach out to touch her, but she lunged away from him in horror.

From his peripheral he saw his father swooped in and pulled Lulu into the house before he could solidly feel his feet again. He chased into the house after them and saw Sonny sitting on the coffee table across from the jagged woman he loves. The older man kept to his hands to himself but he lowered his head close to hers. Her head was fashioned slightly between her needs. "You're okay. You're not outside. You're in the house and everything is going to be just fine. You don't have to go anywhere. Take deep breaths," he told her in a smooth voice repeatedly. Dante didn't dare veer from the door way.

Lulu concentrated on the sound of her own breathing until deep breaths became something like hiccups in reverse. "Dante?" she asked without lifting her head. "Did he run away?"

"No, baby. I'm right here." He could here her sniff. "Do you want me to go? I'll understand."

"No. I don't want you to go."

"Maybe I should call Robin. Have her check on you and the baby," Sonny interrupted the moment.

"No. I'll be okay. I promise. I really don't want to see anyone else today."

"Alright, I won't invite her over to check on you, but I'm still going to call." He excused himself leaving Dante to take his seat on the coffee table.

"I'm so sorry." He pushed back all his emotion so he wouldn't let her see him cry. "I shouldn't have pushed you to leave." Instinctively his hand reached out to hers, and his body could no longer fight the impulse of his feelings. Under his hand he could hers trembled causing him to pull away as if she had burned him. "I'm so sorry. I should go." He shot up from where he was sitting.

"I don't want you to go," she repeated. "I didn't want you to see that. See me have a panic attack. Or seem me…like I am… That's why I'm here. I don't want anyone to see me."

"Anyone, but Sonny," he corrected. He was envious, but still thankful. "He's really good with you."

"We have history. He has history. He understands the whole… thing." Dante pulled together memories of his mother telling him about Sonny's bipolar disorder. "He makes you feel safe." He held back his scoff.

"A while ago I was pretty… I lost my reality and I went to Shadybrook. Sonny was the only person who didn't made me feel like I was insane, alone, and he told me it was okay to let them treat me. Maxie and Spinelli tried even though Maxie and I hated each other. Nikolas tried to be there, but he's not really good at the whole emotions thing. Lucky was just absent, and the doctors told Johnny that he was making me worse. He chose to stay away even though I told him I need him. My dad was…somewhere. So, there was just Sonny and my mom…who was catatonic." She nodded with her eyes looking off into space. "He can just handle me. He doesn't care how horrible or angry I am at him. At any point in time I could just show up here, tell him what a horrible person I think he is, and then demand he make me pancakes. And he would."

"I'm glad he's there for you. I'm really glad."

"I'm so sorry I couldn't leave with you. I tried so hard."

"Why were you pushing yourself? Why didn't you just tell me…"

"I didn't want to disappoint you," she exclaimed as small flooding streams fell down her cheeks.

"Hey! You could never disappoint me!" For the third time his hand moved without his acknowledgment. "I'm sorry…. I don't…"

"I'm just not ready yet." She quickly whipped her soaked cheeks. "It's not you. It's everyone. Not even Sonny."

"I understand. I don't want to make you… If me being here puts any pressure on you then I don't want to be around. I can wait. I can wait forever if I have to."

"I feel safer with you around," she admitted. "That's why I ignored myself and tried to go the hospital with you. If I was with you then I'd be safe and I wouldn't let you down." There were more tears as each word floated from her lips.

"You didn't let me down. Just don't ignore your instincts. Not even for me."

"I love you, you know."

"I know." He gave her a small smirk of a smile as he watched her yawn. "That panic attack really took it out of you. You should go upstairs and rest." Before he could even finish eh sentence she was on her way to the stairs. His eyes tailed behind her as he watched her disappear at the top.

"Robin said Lulu should be fine as long as she gets some rest," Sonny announced and he wondered in with the phone still in his hand.

"Yeah, she's already up there." He stood up off the coffee table and stood directly in front of his father. "I, um, I need a favor." Sonny paused but didn't respond. "I'd like to move in and stay here as long as Lulu's here."

"I don't know if that's a good idea. I mean, I should probably talk to Lulu first. You know, I always want all my children to be welcome in my home, but she needs to feel safe in her own home."

"I am her home. She said she felt safer with me around. I'm not expecting to sleep in the same bed or even the same room anytime soon. I'm not expecting anything. I just want to be here for her. Even if it means staying in the room across the hall."

"You don't think that it might put pressure on her knowing that you're just here waiting? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but she might feel like you have expectations. Expectations she can't cope with and then on top of that she's pregnant."

"Talk to Lulu. Talk to her while I'm at my place packing and ask her so she doesn't feel like she has to give any specific answers. Then call me and tell me when you can have someone help me get my stuff over."

"What about Michael?"

"I'll have that taken care of too."

"For the record, I hope it is okay with her."

"Thanks, Sonny."

**Sneak Peak:**  
Lulu smiles.

**Author's Note:**  
I haven't said this in a few chapters and I'm sorry for neglecting that. Thank you so much for reading my story and especially for commenting. It definitely gets the creative wheels turning. I hope you guys continue to like it.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

The twelve thousand dollar vase broke into the pieces after hitting the wall the rich man had thrown it at. His hands immediately went to the back of his head as he started pulling at the back of his hair. "It's been months! Why hasn't anyone said anything? Why aren't the police looking into this and finding whatever bastard decided to…" Nikolas couldn't even say it mid rant. "Has anyone seen her?"

"You just had a baby," his brother excused himself, but his voice new the words were worthless. There was no excuse. He just hadn't wanted to come to Windmiere to see is currently estranged brother, and he was also trying to pick of the pieces of his father's current drunken state. He found it hard to distance himself from alcohol himself. "I'm sorry."

"You could have at least called. Have you talked to her? How is she doing?"

"No. She doesn't want to see us or anyone. She lets Dante visit her now."

"Why haven't the cops done anything?"

"They can't. Not without her coming forward they can't even investigate it."

"They? You're a cop! Why don't you do something!"

"I've tried!" Lucky yelled back. "I have no leads, no evidence, and my sister who happens to be the victim won't talk to me!" After a few deep breaths and a long stair at his older brother he took a seat on the couch. In a calmer voice he said, "I don't even know where it happened or where to start."

"So what do we do? We can't sit back and pretend like nothing happened!"

"I would do anything. Anything! To take away all the pain and all the hell she's going through. If I could have stopped him….could have stopped any of it I would. But it happened Nikolas. It's something we're all going to have to live with because for the rest of Lulu's life she's going to have to live with it. It will never be an all too distant memory for her. It will be right there in the back of her mind all the time and nothing is ever going to stop that."

"I just want to find the son of a bitch and kill him. He shouldn't be allowed to walk around like he hadn't just….raped our sister."

Unbeknownst to the two brothers an old haggardly woman lurked in the shadows. It was usually a hobby to listen to these men speak down to each other at every turn the way true Cassadines and Spencers should. Her once aroused interested slowly turned her features into complete dread as the she heard the conversation unfold. The wheels moving in her mind were restless until the door to the entrance slammed shut and she was able to regain focus of her surroundings. "Grandmother!"

"Oh, hello Nikolas," she tried to put some cheer in her voice.

"What are you doing here, Grandmother? Came to gloat over something?"

"We don't gloat, Nikolas. Cassadines' take pride in things common people don't have the sense to make pleasure in." she said with her usual stature, but then heard her words boom back at her like an echo.

"Are you alright? You look unsettled."

"It's probably whatever that senseless new cook made for breakfast. Fire him and fire someone who can cook food worth eating." She corrected her posture where she stood before taking off towards the front door. Nikolas watched her go while suspicion leaked into this mind.

"This is too much!" She shook her head while she stood in the doorway. "You can't just interrupt your life and move into the house of a man who hate just to be closer to me."

"Yes, I can. No matter how I feel about Sonny, he's actually good with you, and I'd move anywhere to be near to you," he said lugging in his last box. The room was had less light than he was used to, and all the furniture was more old fashioned than anything he had ever owned. Big, bulky, and made out of darkly stained wood.

"What about Michael? Won't he go to prison if he's not living with you?"

"Michael will be fine. He'll have the loft to himself, and as long as he's there at curfew every night there won't be a problem. He'll call me when he gets in everyday, and I'll be checking up with him every morning. He's actually really excited that we won't be literally bumping in to each other all the time. He'll get a little bit of privacy."

"You're still…"

"Stop it." He set down the clothes he was pulling out of the box, and sat down at the edge of the bed. His eyes found hers and he wouldn't let go of that contact. The most contact Lulu could handle at the moment. "I'm not interrupting my life. I'm still going to work every day so you'll eventually get a break from me. I belong where you are, and if you belong here then…"

"I am glad you're here."

"Good, because you're stuck with me," he told her with a smile. The coverers of her mouth pulled up and small creases came to her eyes. It felt foreign to her face, but she was genuinely happy. Dante's grin expanded as he watched her smile.

"I'm going to go get some juice," she blurted out suddenly. "Want one?"

"Sure," Dante responded before watching her leave. Immediately his father appeared in the door.

"How are you settling in?" He asked stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Good! Good. I definitely think this was the right decision. Lulu seems happy about it." He went back to folding his clothes and stuffing them in drawers to his oversized new dresser.

"Yeah. That's the first time I've seen her smile since… You being in here really seems to be working. I'm really glad you're here too."

"Sonny… I'm thankful for you taking care of Lulu, and the way you are with her at the moment. She told me about how you've helped her in the past. I understand why she came to you, and I'm thankful for you letting me move in to be closer to her. Just, don't get the wrong idea. I'm here for Lulu and not for some belated reunion between father and son. It doesn't change things between us at all. I just want what's best for Lulu."

"I understand that Lulu is the most important thing in your life right now, and I'm not going to get in the way of that. However, no matter what I am your father, you are my son, and nothing is ever going to change that." He didn't wait for a response before leaving the room hoping to let his words soak in.

Nikolas took a deep breath before walking to the bar he had never actually felt welcome at. "I don't have time for Cassadines!" the proprietor screeched out at him. Luke had never been a slobbering , he had always been a , but normally a good scotch to the patriarch was like milk to the average human. "Get out scum!"

"Luke, I'm here about Lulu." The Cassadine exerted her patience.

"You'll have to talk to me, mate. Luke's a little off…himself." Luke's newest yet middle child wondered into the room. "You had something to say about our sister?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to wait for Lucky. I called him on my way. I wanted to talk to him and Luke, but it doesn't look like that will happen."

"You didn't think to call me?"

"Well... frankly, no. You've been Lulu's family for like…five minutes. It didn't occur to me to involve you."

"I may not have grown up knowing her, but she's still my sister."

"What's this about?" Lucky interrupted his brothers impending quarrel as he entered the Haunted Star.

"Helena was being suspicious today."

"Isn't that old hag always suspicious?"

"How anyone could have doubted that you were Luke's son…"

"Get to the point. What was Helena being suspicious about?"

"She found her trying to eavesdrop on our conversation earlier. She seemed completely disturbed by what happened to Lulu. She went out for like an hour and hasn't left her room since. Alfred told me that she had asked him if he had heard anything about Lulu. It sounded like she was worried."

"That's definitely suss. She doesn't seem like the type to have sympathy or compassion," Ethan stated thickly in his Australian accent.

"That's because she's not. Do you think she could have had something to do with it? Like she plotted for Lulu to get raped or one of her anti-Spencer plots got out of hand?"

"I don't know, but it's worth looking into. It's taking everything I have not to grab my grandmother by the hair and throw her out."

"No. Don't throw her out. We have more access to her there, and if you try to throw her out she'll just disappear on her broomstick. I think you just gave me my first lead.

**Sneak Peak:**  
Lulu lets a friend visit.

**Authors Note:**  
Thank you so much for reading and please keep commenting.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10:**

"Don't touch her, don't try to make her talk to you, don't put pressure on her of any kind. I swear if you so much…" This wasn't what he wanted, but his girlfriend had demanded that having a movie night with a friend was what she wanted. She just hadn't mentioned who she wanted to have this movie night with, and more particularly their gender.

"I assure you The Jackal's false intent towards The Original Blond One was a grave error of judgment that I humbly regret. The Jackal will never again try to bring undue suffering to Fair Lulu," he interrupted Dante while trying to keep a grasp on the all the bags overflowing from his arms. "The Jackal has scoured for information at best supporting rape victims." He hadn't actually said the big bad word out loud before and flinched as it came out of his mouth. "Fair Lulu's Protector has nothing to fear." He emphasized his point by making eye contact with the skeptical man. "Is The Original Blond One aware of the The Jackal's cowardly and misguided actions with The Valkyrie?"

"Yeah, she knows everything. She's the one that told me. You and Carly, just knowing what you were thinking about doing let alone what you've done really hurt her. You hurt Lulu and I don't want you here. You hardly deserve to know her let alone be the person she wants to hang out with. But this is what Lulu wanted and she deserves whatever she feel she needs even if that includes you." He took an intimidating step forward. "I'm not going to forget what you did, and I don't trust you. If you hurt her in any way ever again I'm not going to bother throwing you in jail for your never ending list of felonies. I'll just break every bone in your body myself."

"I will never hurt Lulu again," Spinelli spoke slowly in an odd moment of lucidity that almost took Dante back in shock.

"Alright then, Lulu is just down the hall," Dante pointed his thumb behind him before turning around and starting to walk in that direction. "What will you guys be watching?"

"Annie Hall."

"A romantic comedy? Doesn't seem like Lulu's type."

"On the contrary, The Jackal and The Original Blond One used to view this admittedly quirky film on many occasions. It's our 'go-to' if you will. It certainly isn't the clichéd romantic comedy."

"I'll have to see it some time."

"I'd invite you to join us…"

"No. That's not what Lulu wanted and I have some stuff to take care of anyway. But thanks, I think."

They interested the room and immediately Spinelli tripped his way until the couch unleashing the mound of chips he had been struggling to hold on to. "Spinelli! What did you do?" Lulu asked with a smile once she got the room. She had been smiling more everyday since Dante had first moved it. It had become a regular occurrence whenever he would walk into a room and drove her kneading thoughts away. It hadn't gone unnoticed by Dante either. The butterflies he carried for her in his abdomen fluttered every time.

"Kettle chips. Every flavor in the store with about four or five extra barbeque." That made Lulu smile too. She was actually excited for their night of gluttony and movie viewing. "Oh, and orange soda. Italian for the lady."

"Sounds perfect, Spinelli."

"Alright then," Dante spoke up and stuffed his hands into his front pockets. "I guess I'm going to go. Please call me if anything…just call me."

"Have fun with Lucky," she said smiling at him doing her best to maintain eye contact. "I promise we'll be fine."

"No worries, Detective." Spinelli was still sorting and separating the chips along the table.

"Alright." Dante reluctantly left with Lulu's eyes trailing behind him.

"So there is Maui Onion, Jalapeno, of course, an exponential amount of barbeque, Sea Salt and Black Pepper, Sea Salt and Vinegar, Spicy Thai, and Cheddar." Since he had came into the room he hadn't looked at her yet. He had been too busy fussing with the bags and organizing them to actually see her. She stood still and imagined her body was stone ignoring the slightly decreased aches and pains that still occupied her. Spinelli's focus went from the chips and directly to her eyes. She had expected fear, pity, and maybe for him to bumble his way back out the door. He just smiled without incident and motioned for her to take a seat. "Is the film…"

"Yeah, it's already in there. Just press play." The movie started and she watched him waiting for him to start watching her. He didn't let out a peep, but just sat down next to her on the couch without asking it was okay or being overly cautious. "How many times do you think we've watched this?"

"I think they stopped inventing numbers before reaching the proper amount." His voice trailed off and he abruptly paused the movie. "Fair Lulu, there is a long overdue conversation I fear is absolutely necessary…in order to establish a peaceful normality to our proceedings."

She braced herself still unwilling to answer most questions others had come up with. It was too easy to bask in the simple of their interaction, and the hope that maybe he would never react to her torn form started to dissipate. "Okay…" She couldn't hide her cautiousness as he cleared his throat.

"I hate that I tried to hurt you," he stated bluntly. "What Carly and I did was inexcusable. I'm truly sorry."

"It's okay, Spinelli."

"How is it okay? How could you even want me here after I plotted to destroy the man you love and hurt you in the process?"

"Because, no matter how hard you tried it wouldn't have been possible. You and Carly could have never done enough to break me and Dante, because we're real. It's not like Johnny. We're not together due to a long series of horrible situations. We're just together; because that's the way it's going to be. It's, we're real. In the end, knowing Carly, you both would have wound up hurting yourselves more than you could even get close to doing any real damage to us." She intertwined her own fingers together. "I guess, I just hold on to the fact that I don't think you could ever truly hate me, and that if you and Dante got to know each other you couldn't truly hate him either."

"I do admire his relentless protection of The Original Blond One. The Detective has proven he would stand by Fair Lulu through thick and thin."

"He has. He loves me."

Spinelli nodded in agreement. "May I ask, have you also forgiven The Valkyrie?"

"There are pretty big differences between you and Carly, Spinelli. I could easily forgive her if I wanted to badly enough, but I don't know if I could ever trust her again. She actually hated me. Hated me more than she hates Dante, and I can't just pretend that I don't feel it every time she's around."

"I'm sorry," he looked directly into her eyes and as instructed by the internet didn't take any notice of the bruises still along her face. He couldn't let himself take note of the bandage that poorly covered the long scar along her neck, and he continued to ignore the way she constantly fidgeted with herself. She was constantly doing and undoing her fingers, pulling at the sleeves of her sweater until they completely covered her hands, and scratched at her knees through her blue jeans. Looking at her fully aware of what had happen made him sick to his stomach, but his research made it clear to not show anything. He could be concerned and loving without making her dwell on the issue.

"I know you are, Spinelli." She smiled softly. "Start the movie." As Woody Allen continued on screen she started to feel at easy. As if she could replace this exact moment with any other time they sent together and everything would feel exactly the same. Her eyes began to get heavy and her head started to fall. She placed herself lightly on his shoulder and felt the same comfort at that moment that she would have in any other.

"What the hell is going on?" Dante burst into the room quietly, but the worry and anger still covering his voice.

"Fair Lulu is slumbering," Spinelli answered him simply. "I didn't want to wake her."

"Lulu…" Dante carefully rubbed Lulu's shoulder as if to avoid touching her at all. "Lulu, baby, wake up."

Her eyes slowly opened and adjusted focus. "What time is it?" She yawned. "Is the movie over?"

"Yeah. It's about 10pm. Why don't you go to bed?"

"No, I'm good. I'm sorry I slept through the movie, Spinelli. Want to try again?"

"Sorry, Fair Lulu, but sleep has begun to beckon me. I shall return home. Gracious thanks for a great night." Based on the glares beaming from Dante his welcome was very much over. He headed to the door waving goodbye before disappearing from sight completely.

"Are you okay? Did he do something to you?" Her concerned boyfriend panicked.

"I'm fine, Dante. I just fell asleep. It's no big deal."

"I'm sorry. It's just…that…" He was almost ashamed of himself for seeing it as such a big deal. All she did was lay her head on another man's shoulder.

"He didn't pressure me or anything. In fact, he didn't even ask or notice anything wrong with me. It was like nothing had happened." She smiled as she spoke. "It was nice to not dwell on it."

"I make you dwell on it?"

"No. You don't. You make me happy in spite of everything. Spinelli just made me feel like myself. I wasn't constantly aware of everything. I was just Lulu. I like that."

"If I ever make you feel…"

"Stop it," she interrupted him. "You're perfect. For me and with me."

"I'm glad you had a good night…even if you did sleep through it." He smiled reassuringly and she let out of meek laugh. "I'd tell you about hanging out with Lucky, but we were both sober the entire time so really there's no point."

"You can play pool without beer." She had told him this many times after the plans were made, even though she didn't entirely believe it herself. They were both rather fond of the proper beer.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Always."

"Do I make you feel safe?"

"Yes."

"So, Spinelli…?"

"It's different. With Spinelli I don't have to think about anything intimate. I couldn't be more platonic with Spinelli. But you, it's not that you don't make me feel safe, it's that touching you means so much more. And I know you would never hurt me, or pressure me, and that you respect me. I have never once doubted that or you." She struggled to breathe as she continued. "I'm just not ready to feel intimate. Just thinking about touching you feels intimate."

"I love you, you know," he said attempting to hide the rocky emotion in his voice. "I'll wait forever if we have to. I'd do anything to make sure you were happy and safe."

"It won't be forever."

**Sneak Peak:**  
There's a fire...or two...or three

**Author's Note:**  
Longest chapter yet. I hope you enjoyed it.  
We're officially at the half way point in the story. Only 10 Chapters left.  
Please keep commenting.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11:**

"You know… He usually doesn't go on benders like this," Lucky announced to his brother as he walked into the closed casino. He watched his father bend over his place at a table while pouring himself yet another drink. He made his way over to the bar almost unable to take his eyes off the sight. "I'm not really sure I've ever seen him like this."

"Yeah, he's been talking in his sleep. Made things a little more understandable," Ethan told him as he too had a hard time looking away from the tragedy.

"What do you mean? What has he been saying?"

"He keeps saying 'I'm sorry Laura.' I think it's gotten to him that what he did to your mum is what someone else did to his daughter."

"Like he's reliving seeing how terrorized my mother was and realizing that Lulu went through the same thing? Being on the other end of that situation?"

"Yeah. This is just him having a hard time hating himself."

"I honestly hadn't thought about that. I think I've been unconsciously trying not to."

"This is all Helena's fault," Ethan said spitefully in his thick accent. "I have never wanted to hurt a woman before, but I'd really like the chance to wring her neck for what she's done to our family."

"Same here. I think Helena has been torturing us for long enough."

The silence between them was awkward. It was only intensified by the cautious glances one would give the other naively believing they were going unnoticed. "….maybe….we should watch a movie?" Lulu asked unconvincingly. She sat up straight and her hands were folded tensely in her lap.

"You want to watch a movie?" Dante's hands were kneading the pants covering his knees not really sure if it was okay to look directly at her. He felt weird. On one hand it was great that Lulu had felt comfortable enough to let someone touch her again, but on the other he hated that it wasn't him. She explained it perfectly well, and deep down he knew nothing was more important than what she needed. No amount of logic was going to stop the ache in his gut to be her hero.

Her response was to grab the remote. She turned on the TV and randomly roamed around channels until she landed on something remotely familiar, unromantic, and undramatic in spite of a few explosions. The corners of her mouth pulled up and creases formed next to her eyes. Without her permission or knowledge a heartfelt chuckle escaped her diaphragm and made it's out way her mouth. Her stomach tightened as her small giggle turned into a fit of laughter while she watched the screen.

Dante had been so surprised he nearly jumped. His face formed a ridiculous grin as he watched spend a good moment completely gleeful. She had only just started smiling again. He had completely ruled out the idea of laughing again after the rape and then to pile on the pregnancy on top of that. She hadn't even been okay enough to really talk about the pregnancy, and then right before her eyes she was doubled over.

"What?" she asked completely unaware and lost in the moment.

"I love your laugh," he stated softly, still mesmerized as if he hadn't seen or heard anything as beautiful. "Your laugh, your smile. I would do anything…" He took a deep breath letting all his overwhelming emotions wash over her. "I just want to hear you laugh more… for the rest of our lives."

The smile never left her face. She turned her attention back to the television while letting her land slowly travel its way over his. She slowly intertwined her fingers with his while experiencing every jolt of electricity warm her from head to toe. She could feel herself melting.

He kept his mouth shut scared to ruin the moment and scare her away. In his mind replayed what she had told him only a couple of days before. "…it's that touching you means so much more. And I know you would never hurt me, or pressure me, and that you respect me. I have never once doubted that or you." She had expressed to him. "I'm just not ready to feel intimate. Just thinking about touching you feels intimate."

Nikolas couldn't see the vastly tall walls of his own mansion. The gray managed to hit him every where. It clouded his eyes and fought its way into his lungs. He'd try to yell but it all came out in a fit of coughs. His body collided with a large barrier he hadn't known was there and be started pounding along it as he traveled down its side. "Daddy!" he heard scream from the exact voice he was looking for.

"Spen…" Cough. "Spencer!"

"Daddy!" His son had managed to get out of his room on his own and was now pulling at his father's pant leg. Without a word Nikolas swooped up his child and wrapped him protectively in his arms.

His feet carried him to the window at the end of the hall. He could have sworn there was a clear blue night sky the way a person swears to see water in the desert. As he reached the hot window he saw a man motioning him away and watched as a giant axe hacked it's way into his home. The scream of the glass shattering matched that of Spencer's screams while it flew everywhere in small tiny squares.

Without a word the firefighter held out his arms and Nikolas felt his heart break as he had to peel his son away from him. "It's going to be okay…" he wanted to say, and tried, but there was no voice left in his body. Spencer's legs kicked wildly at the man in yellow. His fingers bunged up into his father's shirt searching to go deeper grabbing at his skin. Finally the firefighter got his long arm completely secure around the boy's waist and pulled him out through the window. Nikolas followed behind them, climbing himself into the lift shaft, and grasping for his terrified child as they were lowered to the ground.

Spencer had his head buried into his father's neck silently crying, and the only thing Nikolas could do in all the confusion was to rub his back. "It will be alright. I just need to talk to the nice men about what is going on, but we're okay. Everything will be just fine," he said between deep breathes taking in all the oxygen in his lungs would allow. They reached the docks and headed towards a man yelling into the radio a bunch of terms and jokes as he flew is arms around pointing in different directions. "How did this happen? Is everyone out? Is anyone hurt?" He was frantic as he unloaded this mind to what seemed like the boss man.

"Everyone is out and accounted for. There have been no fatalities so far, but you'll have to check with the EMTs about people being hurt," the man told him patiently. "It seems the fires were started by lit buckets of gasoline in about four different areas of the house. I'm sorry to say that there is no way this could be an accident. This has arson written all over it. Now we're going to have to investigate before you can start in reconstruction, so I'd suggest finding somewhere else to stay for a while."

"How long?"

"Hopefully not too long, but I'm not going to make you a promise I can't sleep. We're certainly going to do our best, but you should probably find accommodations for at least a couple of months."

"Thank you," Nikolas statement plainly.

"You two need to be checked out by the EMTs, and then one of the fairies will take you to free land." The man went back to conducting the firefighters.

Nikolas went apathetically went through the motions. He saw the EMTs, got Spencer checked out, counted his staff, and sent them all for rooms at the Metro Court. He tried to get his son to loosen his grip around his neck, but the kid had been to traumatized not to cling to his father. Nikolas ended up making his way to the one place he needed to be with his child stuck to him like another appendage.

When he reached his destination he couldn't find the words in the back of his throat. He wanted to cover his son's ears and yell a long series of curse words, but just knowing he was there made responsible. He walked up to the bar and up to the man he felt was responsible for the nightmare. "I know you hate me, you hate my family, and I know you have your reasons. But that is no excuse to set fire to innocent people including my son!" He whispered in a sharp reverent voice.

"Look, Spawn… I just woke up… and there is a train currently rolling over my head… So go away. I don't know what you're talking about," Luke poured himself a tall glass of whiskey. With the way he was looking at the glass it could have been the only thing in the room.

"Right," Nikolas spat with disgust. "My sister deserves so much better than to have a father like you." He stormed out the way he came.

"He's right you know," An old woman appeared in the corner and piped up.

"What the hell could you possibly woman, Helena!" Luke yelled as the first sign of liveliness anyone had seen in him in quite some time.

"My grandson was almost killed. My great-grandson was almost killed. Did you really think that I would let that go unnoticed? You need to listen good Luke Spencer. Your daughter's rape was unfortunate, but that is nothing compared to what I'm about to do to the rest of your family. Life for the Spencers is about to get much, much worse."

**Sneak Peak:**  
Lucky confronts Carly, Ethan is hospitalized, and Lulu goes outside.

**Author's Note:**  
Thank you guys for continuing to read this story. It's very important and personal to me. I really do appreciate it.

About the last chapter concerning Spinelli, I just want to make it clear about the situation I was trying to create. The reason she felt comfortable enough to just be normal with him was because he was treating her like she was normal and not broken. The only way Spinelli could be more platonic in Lulu's mind was if Spinelli was actually her brother so there was no expectations or intimacy involved. She had chosen to forgive him and she moved on. Feeling safe with him and comfortable made her okay with herself for the first time, and that was the whole point. Realizing she was still Lulu and not just a rape victim. It had nothing to do with Lulu thinking less of Spinelli as a man or a person.

After this there are only 9 chapters left of the story. I hope you liked this chapter.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12:**

"What the hell is going on," Lucky demanded walking into the hospital emergency room. "Dad!" he yelled across the room. "What the hell is going on?" He had gotten a vague phone message from his father that said, "Dodge is in the hospital," and nothing more. "Is this another stupid game he's pulled with John Zacchara?"

"Nope. I'm afraid this is all on me pal," Luke looked more sober than he had ever been possibly in his entire life, which was remarkable seeing as people had watched him down a bottle of scotch only moments before.

"Then what happened?" Lucky's concern began to grow with his little sister's attack in the back of his mind.

"A few guys broke into the Haunted Star and started to rough up Tracy. Ethan got in the middle of it… and they didn't take it so well." He shook his head as he spoke.

"Where were you?"

"Passed out behind the bar."

"Of course you were," his son released under his breath. His eyes traveled to the curtain his father had been watching since he arrived. "Is that where Ethan…" It took a beat before it hit him. "Tracy... Is she okay?"

"Spanky's resilient. I'm sure it would take more than a few men to get under her frozen skin." Even though the words came out they lacked the candor he usually possessed. For once he couldn't even believe himself.

Before he could make a judgment call on whether or not to reassure his father his phone began to chime and buzz in his pocket. "Detective Spencer," he answered. "Yes, I'm their father." A moments pause. "What kind of man?" He listed to the description. "No. Please take them to the principle office. I'll come pick them up right away. Thank you." He quickly hung up. "There's some suspicious guy hanging around Cameron and Jake's daycare. I have to go get them. Let me know about Ethan and Tracy." He said before running, slightly aware that this father hadn't heard a word.

The way the warmth of the sun hit her pale skin left like fire. Its bright gaze burning into her retinas causing her to see white spots and lose her focus. She had to stand still with her eyes pulled shut as tightly has she could manage. " I don't know why I let you talk me into this."

"Because you could use some fresh air, Lulu." Dante smiled as he watched her. For days he had been making one huge stride after another, and this was the true challenge in his eyes. It was a small gesture on the greater scale, but for Lulu it was the Grand Canyon. She had built herself a box made up of four walls, a ceiling, which brought all the safety of bullet proof glass and men that were willing to kill for her. It was the ultimate safety net.

Before opening her eyes she took the deepest breath letting the air fill her lungs and her diaphragm. The scents of the trees were so strong she could practically taste it. A soft breeze wrapped itself around her like a cool blanket. She smiled and finally opened her eyes. "It's been awhile," was the most she could say.

"Nice, though, right?" He looked for reassurance and make sure his hand was available for her to grab just in case.

She was about to speak when she caught something shift in her periphery. She froze in place and concentrated on the shadow as it slowly formed into a man. Her body stayed in place as if it had turned to stone.

Dante's eyes shifted all around them until he had view of what had caught her attention. "It's just a guard, baby. He's just monitoring the gate for us." She didn't move or look at him, but continued her focus on man in the distance. "Look at me, please" he pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. It seemed as if it was almost causing her pain to turn her attention towards him. "I'm with you. I'm right here." He took both her hands in his without permission. "We're in Sonny's garden surrounded by guards and I'm right by your side. You're safe."

There were no thoughts or responses in her head. Her hands started to fall numb as they slipped between her boyfriends fingers. She wasn't aware that her breath had become audible and frequent, or that all the sounds around them had once tool spinning the ground beneath her feet. Her knees locked and she began to fall.

He walked into the unfamiliar house. He had been there a couple of times, but not enough to think that his family lived there. "Lucky…? What a surprise! Come in!" His cousin opened the door with wide eyes before turning around and leaving it for him to close. "How's Lulu?" She asked and he felt his blood tepid blood start to heat.

"Helena has threatened all the Spencers." He surpassed the question and got the point. "Aunt Bobbie suggested I come and let you know. She was busy at the hospital trying to take care of Ethan. A few of thugs-for-hire beat the crap out of him when he stopped them for hassling Tracy."

"Oh my god, he is okay?"

"He'll be fine," he told her in a straight forward manner. "Anyway, she's determined to put us all through hell, more hell, to torture us all more than we've ever been tortured before…" He expressed the usual Helena-style dramatic flair.

"I can't think of anything worse than rape," Carly mumbled sincerely, but still managed to push the wrong button.

"Well… Maybe having the people you love and trust actively plot to ruin your life. That probably has to hurt quite a bit. Maybe even torturous."

"I didn't want to ruin her life. I wanted to ruin Dante for what he did to my son. What happened to Michael because of his self-righteous…" she trailed and took a deep breath. "I admit I wanted Lulu to hurt. I didn't want to spare her the repercussions of destroying Dante… and I regret that. I was hurt and angry Lulu chose to stand by him rather than her family."

"There is a flaw in your logic, Carly." The angry began to rise in his low voice. "It's their life. They stopped having separate lives the minute they got back together. There was no way to ruin Dante without taking apart my sister." His last sentence he couldn't hold himself back and yelled.

"I was wrong, Lucky. It shouldn't have taken something so horrible and brutal… I am genuinely sorry for what happened to Lulu and I'm… ashamed of the way I treated her before. She should have been able to come here and feel safe, but instead she had to go to Sonny's who she's still not okay with after he shot Dante. I would give anything to take it back. I would do, say, or be anything she wants or needs. I wish I could make it all better for her," she spoke with tears slowly running down her cheek. She has to back her way towards the couch and sit down.

"Maybe you should think about that before launching into your next rampage." He was blunt in spite of the crying woman in front of him. He turned around and let himself out.

"Thank you so much for fitting him in," he told the doctor as he picked his son back up. "I know it's abusing power, but after last night… I just couldn't take any chances."

"Don't worry about it Mr. Cassadine. Spencer is going to be just fine," the doctor gave a small reassuring smile to mask his toleration right before walking away.

"Told you, Daddy," he small boy said before resting his head on his father's shoulder. "Can I go to my bed now?"

"Buddy…" He wasn't sure how to tell his young son they might never go home. Maybe Windemiere up in flames was as much of a blessing as it was a curse for the lives it endangered. "We're going to have to get you a new bed. How about we go to the Metro Court and take a nap?" The response he got was soft breath from his already exhausted child.

"You!" He could hear someone yelling behind him, but he chose to keep on walking. He preferred the practice of pretending and ignoring to make problems disappear, and from the tone he knew exactly which problem was following them. "Cassadine!" This time the voice was louder and closer. As Spencer stirred in his arms he turned around to see Luke Spencer running after him. His arm pulled back as if he were about to take the swing at the man. Luke fell short after realizing Nikolas had been holding his son.

"I see you're finally sober again, Luke. It looks good on you."

"Don't play coy with me, scum." The old man was angry. A deeper shade of red than Nikolas was used to see him.

"What do you want, Luke? I need to take Spencer ho… Not home. To our hotel room since our home was set on fire."

"I had nothing to do with that!"

"Fine. Can we go now?"

"Do you have any idea what your psychotic bitch of a grandmother is doing to my family? First my daughter, your sister!" He emphasized. "And now my son is lying in a hospital bed after being tortured by Helena's minions!"

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said as sincerely as he could choke out. "But I wasn't involved."

"Like hell you aren't. You stand by and watch each time your family tried to harm mine. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of there always being a Cassadine in the way, always willing to hurt my children… I'm telling you right now… The Cassadines' will no longer be a pain in my ass!"

**Sneak Peak:** Lulu recounts the event.

**Author's Note:** Thank you so much for still being interested in the story. Right after I posted that maybe I could try continuing without my original plans I began to do some online research about hard drives and all that tricky stuff. I actually went out and bought a wire that I thought might be possibly maybe work. And it did. I managed to get all my files off my old computer… FINALLY! So this story is actually going to continue…and more than one chapter every 6 months… just the way it was intended to. At least if it turns to crap then it was because it was meant to and not because I couldn't remember anything. I hope you like it. Only 8 chapters left.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13:**

The taps on the door were light and could have easily gone unnoticed, but Lulu had been aware of every inch of the room. The near-silent knocks startled her and she took a deep breath before hearing them again. "Lulu?" asked the voice she hadn't expected. She sat in fear that Dante had not only followed her up the stairs and into the room. She knew she had scared him as much as she scared herself. She was glad to have a few moments away just to compose herself. "Come in, Jason," she called out relieved.

"Hey. You okay?" The tall man in black asked in his usual fashion.

"Dante's not out there is he?" She questioned weakly, and Jason looked at her if she was small. She felt small, useless, and just all around tired.

"He's walking Dr. Lee out. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You look it," he said dryly referencing the tears still drying on her face.

She gave a smile and a small giggle to his bluntness. "I'm disappointed… and hormonal. Dante tried to take me out for a walk in the garden, I saw a guard, and had a panic attack. I knew it was just a guard too… One of the ones that used to be at Carly's house, but I couldn't help myself. Dante tried so hard, but…"

"Dante's a grown man, Lulu. You should just focus on getting yourself better and thinking about your baby."

"You mean Sonny's potential-grandchild," she corrected making a conscious effort not to sound bitter in spite of how she actually felt. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see Sonny and saw Dr. Lee. Wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm never going to be alright. Nothing is going to be okay, but I'm trying really hard to fake it. I was doing a convincing job until earlier. It's not enough."

"You're a lot stronger than you think you are. You always have been and you have to believe that so you can let yourself heal."

"My body has or will heal. The rest of me… that's just… different." She shook her head to dismiss the conversation she couldn't or didn't want to finish. "I'm glad you're here."

"Why is that?"

"You make me feel less guilty about actually wanting to kill someone. I think you're the only person who would understand without judging me."

"I do," he told her as he lowered himself onto the bed next to her. "Nobody is judging you." Her body tensed up and weighed the options of what could be happening. Jason was being cautious as if she were broken glass he was picking up. "What happened to you know… it's having a profound effect on everybody…"

She felt shocked and almost as if he had just punched her in the stomach. "What do you mean? Everybody? They aren't supposed to know!"

"Everyone does know. I don't know how, but your brothers, your dad… they all know. And they are letting it rip them apart."

"That's why they're not supposed to know!" She yelled. Her face filled with a fresh set of tears. "That was the point!"

"Things have gotten out of control. Somebody set Windermere on fire. Then a couple of thugs tried to hassle Tracy and Ethan got involved. He was in the hospital." She felt like she couldn't breathe again. "They're all okay…" he answered her unasked question. "…but Tracy and Luke are blaming each other. Things are only going to get worse. I think…"

"I know. I just… I don't think…" It burned her throat to speak.

"I know it's going to be hard. Maybe one of the most difficult things you've ever done, but we're talking about your family. They should know why they're trying to kill each other." She nodded in agreement.

All the people who stared at her as she walked into the Casino with Jason on one side and Dante on the other didn't have faces. She just looked pasted them as if they were not her family because it was the only way to calm the mixture of anger and anxiety in her gut. She hadn't realized there were so many of them having never truly had every single one of them in the same place. Her father, his wife, her brothers, her cousins, her boyfriend's mother, everybody's exes including hers, her few friends, and she didn't want to see even one of them. "You're idiots," she spoke what was on her mind without thinking and scoffed as she sat in the stool.

"Lulu?" It was her father's voice from the crowed not understanding.

"Who told you?" she demanded. It was followed by a course of excuses and she shook her head in disgust. "You're all idiots!" she yelled. "That was my business! If I wanted you to know I would have damn well told you! It wasn't gossip for anyone to spread and I don't care how much you think you love me… It was for me to decide…" She was overcome and soon her rage pushed out sob she had been desperately trying to suppressing. In a more calm and solid voice, "I had my reasons. That's all that should have mattered." She took a deep breath and tried to find a spot to stare at that wouldn't stare back. "It happened to me for a reason," she stressed the 'me.' "Raping me…" another deep breath, "... was strategic."

"What do you mean strategic?" Sonny spoke up.

"You should know all about strategy!" Tracy criticized.

"Can it!" Lulu yelled. "This… the stupid bickering, the fighting, revenge, and all that other stupid stuff… That was the whole point! That was the strategy!" She sobbed again. "I was supposed to tell and you were supposed to kill each other." She exhaled the breath that had been lodged in her throat. "Like idiots… you let him win." Her blood began to boil again. "I had to hide for months… and you let him win!"

"Him? Who is he, Lulu?" The calm and reasonable sound of her brother cut through all the noise in the room.

"Valentine."

**Sneak Peak:**Paternity test results.

**Author's Note:** Only 7 chapters left. Now you know who it was. Rapidly approaching the end. Thank you for continuing to read and please leave feedback. Were you surprised? Who did you think it was?


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14:**

"Did you hear them?" Lulu demanded as Jason pulled her out of the Haunted Star. "They're like a pack of rabid raccoons. Like all this blood lust is going to do one bit of good." Immediately following the revelations about her rape everybody burst at the seams. Blame and rage shooting out over every direction as if there wasn't enough problems to worry about.

"They're ashamed, Lulu," Jason admitted to her. "You laid everything out back there. You need to just let them catch up."

"Where are you taking me?" She had been so busy ranting she had hardly noticed he was going in the wrong direction or at least not the direction of Sonny's house.

"We're going to the hospital. Get you looked at properly to make sure everything is okay with you and the baby. Also, you're going to get paternity test."

"I said I didn't want one!" In fact, it was the very last thing she wanted. "I don't want to decide someone's life based on who their father is…"

"That's a very noble excuse," Jason said turning to face her. "But there is more at risk then you finding out that the baby is Valentine's and you deciding not to have it. The Cassadine's have an incestuous history."

"I know they have more than their fair share of Looney Toons, but that has nothing to do with anything. My brother is one of those Cassadine's and he's perfecting fine… minus a tumor or two…"

"Lulu…"

"You just want me to do it to know if this is Sonny's grandchild! You don't give a rats ass…"

"Lulu," he yelled in a crisp voice above hers. "Nikolas wants you to have this paternity test. He asked me to take you to the hospital, because he didn't think you'd go with anyone else. Nikolas said it was important."

"Why?" she asked meekly, but she didn't wait for a response. It was clear Jason didn't know, and in the end it didn't matter. It wasn't something she was going to be able to put off forever no matter how badly she wanted to.

"Hey." Sonny pulled his son aside from the angry crowd. "I just got off the phone with Jason. He's taking Lulu to the hospital."

"Is she okay? What happened?" Dante panicked. He was already drained after watching the person he loved most in the world tell everybody she loved about her rape. The past few hours he had felt so much he could have drowned in his own emotion. "Is there something wrong with the baby?"

"No. She's fine. Uh… Apparently Nikolas had asked Jason to take her for a paternity test."

"She didn't want a paternity test."

"Nikolas thought it was a good idea. Valentine is one of his relatives, an uncle or something, and he knows a lot more about the Cassadines than we do. It's a good idea. Jason said Lulu wasn't fighting him on it."

"Okay. Wow," he said before releasing an audible breath. "Before we go to the hospital… I need…" He had never done this before, and he was lost at how to even start. "I want you to do everything you can to find Valentine and then I want him dead."

"I understand you want him dead. He hurt the woman you love, the mother of your child, but think about what you're asking Dante. You're a cop. Can you really live with ordering the death of another human being?"

"He's not a human. He's a monster who used punishing her family as an excuse to rape her!" he yelled through grit teeth. "I'm not asking as a cop, but as your son. If I had it my way he'd do a lot more than just die."

"I know things are a little raw right now… having to hear Lulu tell us all that. So, I'm going to pretend we never have this conversation. Just know… Lulu has always been under my protection and that will never," he stressed, "change."

"Lulu…?" The doctor broke her trance. She had been counting the cars she could see in the parking lot outside the window. "You're very lucky. Your brother has really pushed for you to get your results tonight. It will take about an hour so why don't you go ahead and wait in the waiting area or the break room. We'll have you paged when they're back."

"Did Dante already give his sample?" She asked in a monotone voice. The second she felt the needle she had become indifferent while trying to force herself to make a decision before she knew for sure this baby wasn't Dante's.

"Yes. Everything is ready," The doctor once again gestured towards the door.

"Thank you." She jumped off the table and rushed out the expecting door. "Hi, Sonny." She smiled at seeing the first friendly face. "What are you doing here?"

"Jason…"

"Jason called. Of course he did."

"Take a walk with me." He started going down the hall before he had finished the sentence. Without thinking her feet followed him. "I want to make sure you know that I didn't push for this. I respected your decision…"

"I know it was Nikolas," she interrupted.

"I didn't want you to think there was any pressure to find out the baby's Dante's. I'm not Michael's biological father, but I love him as much if not more than if he were mine."

"Sonny… I don't know if I want to have this baby." She took a deep breath readying herself to admit a hard truth. "I'm more worried about finding out the baby is Dante's and then me…" She couldn't finish or move any further. She bit her lip as tears came to her eyes. "You're all going to hate me if I don't have this baby."

"I don't think there is anything you could do to make us hate you," he reassured pulling her into a hug. "I'm sorry you have to make this decision all over again. I can promise you. Nobody is going to judge you or hate you."

She sniffed and pulled away to wipe watery stains from her face. "I'm scared that Dante's going to find out it's his baby and then get really excited…" They continued to walk and she continued to cry through the conversation. "…he's going to fall in love with this baby. He's already been through so much…"

"Not nearly as much as you have, Lulu. I'm really proud of my son for the way he loves and respects you. The way he always wants to take care of you. Right now. Is not about Dante."

"Ms. Spencer," a voice called her from behind. "Mr. Falconeri. I have your results." It was the doctor that had practically kicked her out of the exam room earlier. She looked around to see they were back where they had started, and the hour flew by without notice.

"Thank you, Doctor." Dante appeared by her side and secured his arm around her waist. They left Sonny outside the door and she sat on the table trying to remember all the reassuring words he said. Only half of which she believed.

"According to our results we can say for sure that Mr. Falconeri is the paternal father of your baby, Ms. Spencer." The second it left the doctor's lips Dante let out a sign of relief, and her heart began to ache.

**Sneak Peak:** Lulu makes a decision about the baby.

**Author's Note:** Only 6 chapters left. Thank you for reading. Please review.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:**

Dante climbed into her bed when he walked into the room. The bed shuffled as he kicked off his shoes, but it wasn't enough to make her move. She wouldn't turn and face him leaving only the sound of her shaky breath as an indicator that she was awake. "Lulu?" He whispered. He didn't dare reach out and touch her in spite of his every impulse to do so. "Lesley Lu…"

"I like it when you call me that," she said softly. Her voice wasn't weak or broken like he had expected it. It was sure and tired.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No. I'm awake," she paused. "I just don't want to get up today."

He turned on his size to face her even if she wouldn't do the same for him. He took inventory of the accessible skin. The long slit that had slipped its way up to her neck had turned into a solid scar; healed but evident. "You don't have to get up, but I wish you'd talk to me."

"I want to talk to you."

"Then why don't you?"

"I can't."

His anxiety grew with every word he wasn't saying. Sonny had been forthcoming in discussing Lulu's fears. "I know you didn't want it to be my baby… I understand that…"

"No you don't," she responded sharply. "Don't condescend to me and pretend like you have any idea of how I feel or what I'm thinking." She jumped off the bed and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "You can try to be as supportive and as wonderful as you want, Dante, but you'll never actually understand. You'll never have to feel this way." She shook her hair and potential fears away. "You know… the first time you ever talked about abortion around me you always said how selfish it was… that if girls who did it took the easy way out…"

"I was an idiot."

"You didn't think you were wrong until you knew I had already had one." His shame was written on his face. "If you ever say anything like that to me again… You have no idea what it's like…"

"You're right. I had no idea what I was talking about… and if I could take it all back I would."

"Okay… Thank you…" she trailed off. More than half of her was ready for a follow up, looking to pick a fight with him, and she was at a loss for where to start next.

"Can I ask you a question? Not an accusation, I just want to know."

"Spinelli warned me about overly prefaced questions…" she jested.

"Lulu…?" He took her silence desperate look as permission. "Why do you think you might not want our baby?" His words felt sharp for the both of them.

"I…" Her eyelids fought a familiar sting. "It's not that I…" A deep breath. "I don't remember the last time my body belonged to me," she finally admitted. "He ripped me apart, and now there's someone… something else, and I feel like it's sucking the life out of me every time I think about it."

"Lulu… it's a baby. Not a monster."

"It feels like a monster," her voice carried a little louder. "It feels like something that's in there to remind me that I don't belong to myself anymore…" His eyes conveyed his confusion, and her demeanor changed as if she was starting to take pity on him. She sat down on the foot of the bed. "I know it's irrational, and that it will never make sense to you which is why you don't have a choice to make." She couldn't look at him as she continued. "… I don't know if I want to have a baby who might grow up knowing that I hate it, because I'm really trying not to hate it now."

"You hate the baby?"

"No… I'm scared I'm going to. I'm scared that if it takes over my body that when it's born I'll spend the rest of its life resenting it. The first time I was pregnant I thought that my kid would know it was unwanted and I didn't want it to feel like I did. I've always been unwanted. This is so much worse."

"I don't know what to say…"

"What do you think? What do you want me to do?"

"I don't want to…" Her pleading eyes interrupted him. "I think you're right that I have no idea what you're going through or how you feel, and I never will. I can tell you how I feel, which is that I love you. And I'm going to support you no matter what you decide. Even if you won't let me."

"Would you love the baby?"

"Of course!" he demanded without thinking.

"Do you think you could give the baby a good life?" The exaggeration of a certain word hit home for him. There was no life without her for him, no future, nothing that mattered.

"I think we could give the baby a good life."

Her face fell into her hands and she started to actively sob. He shot up desperately fighting the urge to pull her towards him. "I wish I could just want it. Really want it. It would be so much easier." She shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I wish I could just know and that I'd fall in love with the baby… I could make you happy and everything would be fine, but… I don't know if I can."

"Do you want me to call and make an appointment? If you're going to have an abortion you'll have to do it soon. You'll be twelve weeks along in a couple of weeks."

"No… I don't know."

"What do you know, Lulu?" It slipped his lips harsher than he attended. "I mean, what are you sure about? What do you feel that isn't fear?"

"I know that I love you, and that no matter how much you say you'll be supportive that it would kill you if I didn't have this child."

"That's not true," he spoke defensively. "I love everything about you, everything that makes you who you are, and this… is a part of you."

"This? My selfish need to have completely control over my body so much that you might lose the baby you're already starting to love?"

"You're not being selfish! You know that! There is no way you'd be struggling with this as much as you have if it were a simple selfish decision. You're actually thinking about what kind of life our child would have, and you're thinking about how it will affect me. That's not selfish." His eyes searched hers for the closest intimate contact he could manage. "I think that if you have this baby that we could give it a great life together, but if you don't feel like you can do this then we can still have a great life together. What's important is that you don't shut me out because how you think I feel. You don't get to condescend to me either."

She gave a weak smile, because it was the best she could manage. "You'd make a great father," she said sadly.

"Thank you. Despite everything you seem to think about yourself, I know you'd make a great mother. And it doesn't have to be this baby. We can try again when we're both actually ready and slightly as prepared as anyone can be." She nodded while staring at the creamy white call opposite from where he was. "So… " She continued to nod.

"I want the baby," she announced confidently even though she nearly startled herself, and he couldn't believe his ears. "I want our baby."

"Are you sure? You don't have…"

"I can't keep living in what happened to me. I can't live my life in fear and make excuses for it. I can't preemptively convince myself that I'm going to hate my child…" She was speaking to herself as much as she was him. "I've been convincing myself… I couldn't be a mother." She started shaking her head and she starting breathing uncontrollably. Her chest pounded and sent Dante into memories of her panic attack. "I can have this baby, love it, and be a good mother?" All he could do was nod in affirmation as he tried to hand her a bottle of water. "I want my baby!"

**Sneak Peak: **Lulu shares her fears about her relationship with Dante.

**Author's Note: **Only 5 Chapters left! Thank you for reading and please review…without politics…


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:**

She had spent most of the afternoon trying to build up her on courage. She had walked to his bedroom door and then sprinted back to her own room to crawl back in bed. It had taken her an hour to work up the power to remove the comforter from over her head. She had been planning it all week, but there was a twinge in her gut that would cut her short every time.

She pulled her feet over the bed and slowly crept her way back the door for the third time that evening. Her arms couldn't lift themselves though to knock on the door, but the opened anyway as if by magic. "Lulu…" Dante answered amused. His own nerves worked themselves over, because she had never even tried to go near his room before. He paused for a moment and his amusement subsided quickly and was replaced with a sense of terror that edged its way up his body. "Is something wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" His arms made the motion to reach towards her body but fell back to his side instantly.

"The baby's okay," she said lightly with an equal smile. Her hands instinctively began to rub small protective circles over her growing abdomen. It had been two months sense she decided to keep the baby and from that instant she had consumed with all the love she had to offer. Very similar to the same way she loved him with all she had she moment she had felt herself falling for him.

"And, you're okay, too, right?"

"Yes. I'm… I'm fine," she stammered. "I just… I wanted to see you…"

"Do you want to come in?" He opened the door wider to allow enough space for her to move passed him, but she shook her head.

"Can we go to my room?" she asked weakly. All the strength she had built within herself didn't make room for the idea of a new bed.

Dante smiled and walked her over to her room without a word. He sank down onto her bed without permission and waited for her to make the next move. He had expected her to sit or lay down next to him, but instead she paced her way down the length of the bed and back up again. "Lulu…" He tried to reach her attention. He could see the anxiety radiate off her body, and there was nothing he could do about it. "Lulu… please talk to me. I mean, you did come and get…"

"Do you think you'll ever be attracted me again?" She blurted out before she could stop herself. "I mean… will you ever want me… I know you're with me. I know that you love you….and we're having a baby together… but we don't… and I know that's because of me, but do you actually want to and I'm stopping it… or are you just being patient because it saves you from having to reject me…"

"Just slow down…" He was shell shocked.

"I understand… you know… if you don't ever want to touch me again… in that way."

"Lulu, are you trying to say that you want to have sex?"

"No! No!" she was emphatic. "I'm not ready!"

"Then what are you talking about? Where is this coming from?"

"You haven't tried…" She gulped. "…to touch me. You haven't said anything about it… alluded to it… you don't seem interested in even looking at me in that way anymore… and I don't blame you. I'm still degusting." The last word was the only one she spoke with confidence.

"You have got to be crazy!" Dante yelled and she jumped back. A quick shade of fear passed through her eyes when he stood up. He sat back down and took a deep breath. "You are not degusting. You are the most beautiful… I love everything about you and everything about your body. I just don't want to pressure you into anything." He ran his fingers through his hair unable to fathom the idea that his conversation was even happening. That it had crossed her mind at all astounded him. "I'm waiting, I'm patient, and I always will be… not because I'm not interested, but because I don't want to force you into anything you're not ready for. Why would you think that you're degusting or that I wouldn't want you?"

"I was raped. Valentine wrecked my body, used it, and now if you touch me… you'll know it. You're always going to know that another man…"

"First, Valentine is not a man. Men don't need to violate women to prove they exist… to punish their family… Second, you didn't cheat on me. You did absolutely nothing to provoke that situation, and no one can blame you for that. Third, and trust me there are many more numbers to follow, you are beautiful. And you are sexy. Still as sexy as you ever word and the second you are ready…" He paused and tried to reign himself in. "…I am very interested but not until you are up to it. Sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now, because there is nothing more important to me than your health. You and the baby."

"I just don't want to ruin your life."

"Waiting for sex is hardly going to ruin my life."

"What if I never feel sexy again? What if I never want sex again?"

"You will feel sexy again, because you are sexy. You just need to stop thinking about what you think I want and focus on yourself."

"If I never get feel like I can have sex again then you'll be unsatisfied and you'll be long gone. We'll be trapped in a relationship and we'll tell ourselves it's for the baby. We'll be stuck. I don't want to make you stuck, because I can't imagine…"

"Stop trying to imagine it. Stop over thinking and… just stop everything. I love you!" His passion demanded enough for her. "I am so happy just to be near you. When you let me hold your hand… I don't remember feeling anything like it. All the butterflies that people get at the beginning of a relationship… they had nothing on the way you make me feel. I love you more and more every day and every inch I get closer to you is enough to satisfy me. Being in the same room with you satisfies me. So please don't over thinking it, and when the time is right we will be able to move on. Together!"

His words sunk into her heart and filled her soul. She had worked herself up, and now it she felt the warm blanket of comfort wash over her. She sat completely next to him, closer than he could have anticipated. Her body was completely pressed up against his side. She led his arm around her and rested her head on his shoulder. She tried to ignore the small tremors that fluctuated in her body as she took one breath at a time in order to force them to subside. "This is the best I can do…" she whispered.

"It's perfect," he whispered back and kissed the top of her head.

**Sneak Peak: **Lulu has a long overdue talk with Sonny.

**Author's Note: **Only 4 Chapters left! Please read and review.


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17:**

"Hey," her warm smile called him as she descended the stairs. "I was hoping to run into you." Her demeanor looked as if it had been taken out of a memory, but large round belly that preceded her clearly wasn't. She was radiant.

"Good morning, Lulu. How are you feeling? I am assuming it was you that vomited in my gardenias," he quipped.

"Blame that on your grandchild. Oh, and your son's aftershave." She shook her head at the memory. "My morning sickness went away months ago and yet he finds the one thing…"

"You said you wanted to see me?" Sonny sat down at the far edge of the couch to make sure she had enough room for whatever her desired distance was. To his surprise she sat directly in the middle. She tried to put her feet on the coffee table in order to make herself more comfortable, but her burgeoning stomach made it too difficult to maneuver. Sonny laughed at the sight which earned him a displeasing look. "Is there something I can do for you or my grandson or granddaughter?"

"Granddaughter," Lulu corrected in a soft voice. She beamed and rubbed her stomach with her hands as if she were soothing her child beneath her skin. "A Spencer-Corinthos-Falconeri girl… the world should start preparing now…" she giggled.

"Wow. A girl… do you know what you're going to name her?"

"Yeah, Dante and I talked about it and I decided," she said nonchalantly. "That's actually part of what I wanted to talk to you about… I wanted to name my daughter, your granddaughter, Lillian Adele Falconeri." She paid careful attention how tears were immediate brought to his eyes and the shock played in every way across his face.

"I don't know what to say… I am so…"

"I know that we haven't been okay. We weren't okay when I came to you, but you still took me in. You let your home be mine after everything… It means a lot," her hormones fought to bring tears of their own. "But it's not just recent history… You've been a big part of my life for so long. You've probably spent more time with me than my actual father, and you always showed up when I needed you. When you shot Dante…"

"Lulu…" He could hardly contain his overwhelmed emotions.

"Just let me finished…it's really hard already." She took a deep breath before continuing. "When you shot Dante you stopped being that person. You were the one that always showed up and made everything better… When I was at Shadybrook… You got rid of Scott Baldwin and you let me know that it was okay to get treatment. You were the first person I told when I was pregnant, and you found my dad even though I didn't ask you to. You have always been there and have always helped me. When you shot Dante you were the one that made things wrong…" She made a smile underneath her tears. "When I was with Johnny it was different. You kidnapped him, he tried to shoot you, and there was no picking sides…. You were both in the mod, both as bad as each other… but with Dante… everything was different."

"Lulu, I will regret that every day for the rest of y life…"

"I know… but that's not the point. I know you. I have always known you. The reason I wanted to hate you so much is because I understood why she shot him," she admitted for the first time out loud. "The entire time Dante was undercover as Dominic I kept reminding him of what you would do if you found out he was an undercover cop. Like it there was nothing to it, it was a no brain, and it was just something I had accepted as a part of life. And then, when we found out Michael killed Claudia it made perfect sense. I know you'd do anything, even kill, to protect the people you love. And I hated myself for understanding that. So if I hated you enough I would feel less guilty for finding away to justify the man I love dying."

"Lulu…" He wanted to reach out and touch her hand and comfort her. He managed to restrain himself.

"I never really hated you, Sonny." She looked him directly in the eyes. "I couldn't reconcile it all. The Sonny that I knew who made everything better, and the guy who shot the unarmed cop I happened to be in love with. Or the fact that it all made sense in its own weird way."

"I don't know what to say." This was far from the conversation he had expected when he sent down.

"I think we've been through enough to put it behind us, right?"

"If that is what you want then absolutely. I'd do anything for you the same way I would for my children, you know that."

"What do you think of the name?"

"Lillian Adele Falconeri… the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. What does Dante think of it."

"It's more upset that I didn't give him a choice in the matter. I fell in love with it instant."

"How does he feel about you talking to me…about…?"

"He doesn't know. I mean, he's gotten used to the fact that we're here and that I have been relying on you. He understands that this is where I feel the safest …well …understand is overreaching. He accepts it, and he's thankful that you've opened your home to us."

"Hey, this is your home for as long as you want it... and maybe even after that. There will never be a time when you are not welcome in my home. You, my son, and Lillian."

"Thank you. I don't think I'm ready to leave yet. She's going to be coming in just a couple of months now… It's all too overwhelming. We need to find a house and there is so much I need to learn..." She was ready to continue you on and on as she wiped he previously fallen drops from her cheeks.

"Just stay here until you find the home you want. We can set up a nursery next to your room. There is no rush to leave. Home is important for a family. You should find the right one."

"That actually sounds like a good idea, but can you do me another favor?"

"Of course! Anything!"

"Can you make me lunch?" He chucked in response.

**Sneak Peak: **Dante and Lulu move forward.

**Author's Note: **Only 3 Chapters left! This chapter is dedicated and practically inspired my Mel/sweetmel. She has shown me many scenes about Lulu and Sonny's history and it's oen of the very few things we agree on character wise. So thank you.

Please read and review.


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18:**

Neither Dante nor Lulu dared to interrupt the smiles on their face by talking as they walked closely together back to their temporary home. Their warms were wrapped around each other's waist securely with her protruding stomach leading way through the garden. They had created a bubble from the beginning of the evening when they went on a date. At first, Lulu had sulked at the limitations she had put on their special night with all the fear and anxiety that plagued her. "Hey. I'm not complaining," Dante told her with a large grin. "I get to have dinner with this gorgeous woman… who I love and is having my baby. Plus, Sonny's restaurant might be a front, but it still has pretty freaking awesome food."

"You're a dork," she injected before continuing with sincerity. "I thought I was getting better. We went to the hospital and the Haunted Star. Simply going to dinner shouldn't be a big deal." In her peripheral vision she could spot shifty guards that still made her nervous. No matter how many times she had to remind herself that they were there to protect her, the mere fact that she could feel them there sent aggressive chills through her.

"You are doing great," he had said to her as they got ready to leave. "The only thing that is important is you and the baby. You need to take care of yourself in whatever way necessary."

"You keep saying that…"

"Of course. It's my new mantra," he quipped. "I think the reason you were able to go to the hospital and the Haunted Star is because those situations you did not consider to be about you… You went to the Haunted Star to protect your family, and you went to the hospital to protect our baby even if you weren't aware of it at the time. You always try to take care of everyone else first no matter what your needs are."

"Then why can't I go have dinner somewhere that isn't a part of your father's illegal business. You're going to get crap about it at work. I'm sure Ronnie is already chomping at the bits to use newly formed snide insults about your relationship with Sonny."

Dante shook off the suggestion. "That's just the way Ronnie is, and I'm not worried about it. I've known him my entire life. Plus, I work with Lucky and Mac, who would not dare to say anything about the situation."

"Situation?" Lulu scoffed. "I'm a situation!" Her annoyance was with herself rather than his words. "It's supposed to be over!" she demanded as she aggressively put on her coat and grabbed her purse. The second she picked up her purse she tossed it aside with the reminder that she was not allowed to drink. "I don't need that," she murmured under her breath.

"Just stop it," he whispered as he came up from behind her and wrapped her in his arms. A calculated risky move that could have scared her, but instead she melted into him with her eyes closed. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she said softly. "I just…"

"No. Stop. We are going to have a great time tonight. We're going to have a great dinner no matter where we have it and the rest of the world is not invited. We are going to block reality and all the bad stuff away for just a few hours and have our own time." His conviction as convincing enough to earn him a genuine smile and they had finally been able to leave for their date.

"I don't want it to end," Lulu finally spoke as they made her way home after a great meal. They had spent the day talking about the baby, and laughing at whatever random thoughts poked their way into the conversation.

"It doesn't necessarily need to," he answered. "We can choose to just accept that things need to be taken slowly, and just let progress happen when it's ready to. The rest of the world doesn't have to matter. Not with us." They reached the front door and awkwardly stopped. "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

"No," she answered teasingly before guiding him by the hand inside the large compound. They made their way up the stairs before stopping in front of the door to her bedroom. "You can kiss me goodnight here."

Dante smiled and lead down for a simple lingering peck on her lips. During the kiss, Lulu maneuvered his arms to her hips where they used to find themselves all the times he had kissed her before, and her fingered wound up kneading the shirt on his chest as she deepened the kiss. Dante's hands involuntarily found themselves moving south to grope her rear region, and he quickly pulled away once he felt the familiar firmness he had known all too well. "I am so sorry," he panicked. He detangled himself from her completely and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He started to turn his back towards her unable to look at any pain he might have caused. "I don't… I'm so sorry."

She placed a hand on his shoulder to try and steer him in her direction, and her other hand cupped his face. She met him with understanding and remorseful eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have said something rather than let my hormones take over."

"I swear to you, I am not trying to pressure you. I got…"

"Shhh… I don't feel pressured. I feel… nice," she admitted. She was nervous, but she had expected to feel fear. There was an overwhelming expectation that what had happened to her would taint all experiences with the underlining since of powerlessness. She didn't feel powerless. "I want to be with you again."

"What? Are you sure…" He was floored. "We don't have to… We talked about it. I love you and I am not going anywhere."

"I want to, but if you don't want too…" She knew he always wanted to. "But if you do want to, then I am ready." Her fingers started to work the buttons of his shirt, and she came to realize that she had complete power of the situation. This was different because she had completely control over her body, and for the most part she had control over his as well.

She walked backwards, tugging at his shirt as they walked through the door. He quickly closed it behind him as he tried to gain any composure. He had no desire to act like a cave man like he did more than a few times when they were christening every inch of his loft. This was supposed to be slow and special so that he could show her that he loved her. He had every intention of showing her that she could feel safe and secure with him because she always will be.

He found himself without a shirt or pants before he was sat down on the bed. In his direct vision was her cleavage that was still hidden behind thin fabric. Pregnancy had done beautiful things to her body that he had tried to keep his interest in to himself. His fingers played with the bottom of her shirt and she kissed him. Then she pulled away and he thought it was all going to be over… he had gone too far. Instead, she pulled away and took her shirt off herself. He watched as she slowly shed layer after layer of clothing until he was looking at his girlfriend's completely nude body for the first time in months. He wanted to say reassuring words to let her know exactly how he felt, but he was too mesmerized by the sight to form a coherent sound.

She almost chuckled at the expressions written on his face before she leaned down to kiss him again. "Touch me," she whispered in his ear. The warmth of her breath against his ear nearly ended their night too early.

"Lay down," he said firmly without being aggressive. He had regained his determination and self control.

Lulu worked her way into lying directly in the middle of the bed, and Dante walked to the food of the bed. He fixed himself to lying on his side next her while he made a check list in his mind of all the things he wanted to do to her… for her. He missed her in the same intense and overzealous way she had before he even knew it was a possibility. They pulled away for air and he tucked hair behind her ear. "If you want to stop… ever… just tell me. I am in no hurry for…"

She rested a finger on his lips to keep him from continuing. "Shhh… no more talking."

**Sneak Peak: **Preparing for the baby.

**Author's Note: **Only 2 Chapters left!

Please read and review.


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